A Complicated Song
by Hopelessly Devoted to Seto
Summary: Another portion of my musical performances- Seto undergoes severe constipation, Otogi is in horror to find out that his bride-to-be is actually his cousin, and Jounouchi gets decapitated.


à FEATURING SETO, RYOUJI & JOUNOUCHI! ß

Thank you so much for the reviews, everybody! And since you've all been all kind in your appraisal to my work, I'm writing _another _song fic… this one is _really_ messed up (as most of the others are anyway), and I hope you enjoy it! Oh, this is such a drag… **ALL THE CHARACTERS, FIGURES, AND ANY OTHER INDICATION TO YU-GI-OH! IS NOT MY CREATION, AND I DO NOT TAKE ANY GLORY FOR IT, AS WELL AS THE SONG IS CURRENTLY OWNED BY AVRIL LAVIGNE!!!** No, I don't like Avril Lavigne (no insult intended to Avril Lavigne fans), but I _do _like this song. Enjoy, everybody! ^_~ And if you'd like me to write another, please review A.S.A.P.! Requests from my audience are good too!

***

(Acoustic guitar begins playing, and a familiar voice speaking.)

****

Voice. (evidently speaking over a phone) _Uh-huh… extra cheese… uh-huh, uh-huh… save a piece for me_.

****

Seto. (gazing towards the screen angrily) _Pizza--party at your house… I went--just to check it out… nineteen--extra larges… what a shame! _(scowls) _No one came! Just us, eatin' all alone… you said, "Take the pizza home." _(releases a long sigh) _No sense… lettin' all this go to waste! So then I faced--_ (grips his hair irritably, practically screaming) _pizza all day, and everyday! _(clenches his teeth) _There's cheese 'round the clock, it's gettin' me blocked… _(continues singing through his teeth) _and I sure don't care, the irregularity--! Tell me--!_

(Vanishes from the screen, yelping in response to the music playing. A door is heard being locked.)

****

Seto. (tone echoed being shut away in the bathroom) _Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?! 'Cause right now, I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated! In the bathroom… I sit, and I wait, and I strain, and I sweat, and I clench, and I feel the pain! Oh, should I take Laxen and have my colon then irrigated! No, no, no…_ (begins unmistakably sobbing as the toilet is heard being flushed.)

****

Mokuba. (knocking at the door crossly) Open the door, big brother! You've been hogging the bathroom _all _day! (continues rapping at the door and struggling to turn the knob.)

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Seto. (thrusts his head through the slightly opened door) Wait _patiently_, dear little brother! (his eyes widen, and he shoves the door shut again, and a large groan of discomfort is clearly heard as the music continues.)

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Mokuba. (sweat drop) #O_O#

(Ryouji walks onto the scene, nodding sadly towards the audience, ignoring Seto's current situation.)

****

Ryouji. (singing passionately) _I was--feelin' pretty down… _(nods) _'til my--girlfriend came around…_ (wiggles his brows and smiles towards the screen) _We're just--so alike in everyway… I gotta say!_ _In fact--I just thought I'd might, pop the--question there that night! _(sighs admiringly seeing an attractive teenager slip onto a couch beside him) _I was, kissing her so tenderly, but woe is me! _(turns towards the girl waving his hands in refusal, seeing her make an impish expression towards him) _Who would've guessed, her family crest--_ (beginssinging through gritted teeth) _I suddenly spy, tattooed on her thigh! And son of a gun! It's just like the one on me…_ (COLOSSAL sweat drop)

(Scoots frantically away, further from the girl on the sofa, as she draws closer to him.)

****

Ryouji. (bent on his knees shrieking towards the heavens) _Tell me… HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WE WERE BOTH RELATED?! _(clenches his face with both hands and twitches on the floor, while the girl watches curiously) _BELIEVE ME, IF I KNEW SHE WAS MY COUSIN, WE NEVER WOULD'VE DATED!!! _(ponders for a moment) _What to do now… should I, go ahead, and propose, and get hitched, and HAVE KIDS ELEVEN TOES?!?!?!_ (huger sweat drop than the other) _AND MOVE TO ALABAMA, WHERE THAT KIND OF THING IS TOLERATED?!_ (continues cringing, and face vaults.)

****

Seto. (slinging his arm around Ryouji's shoulder and both sway miserably while singing) _No, no, no…_

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Ryouji. (sobbing while Seto consoles him) _No…_

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Seto. (mimicking him in return, while nodding) _No…_

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Ryouji. (angrily gazes back to him, and swipes away his comforting hand) _No!_

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Seto. (smacks him in the face indignantly) _No!_

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Ryouji. (clasping him by the neck and shaking him) _NO!_

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Seto. (in a choked voice) _NO!_ (thrusts off Ryouji's hands and pummels him in the torso.)

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Ryouji. (snatching Seto by the hair and pulling him off his feet) _NOOOOO!!!_

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Seto. (kicking him in the manhood mercilessly) _NOOOOO!!!_

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Ryouji. (rolling over in excruciating pain while clutching himself at the crotch) _No…_

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Seto. (chuckling hysterically) _No!_

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Ryouji. (manages to get to his feet again and punts him in both shins) _NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!_

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Seto. (collapsing onto the ground in agony) _NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!_

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Ryouji. (nods back to Seto sympathetically) _No…_

****

Seto. (both rocking in rhythm and singing again) _No…_

****

Seto & Ryouji. _No…_

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Ryouji's "Cousin". (smacking Ryouji with her purse) _NO!!! _You're molesting that guy right in front of me!

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Ryouji. (jerking away from each other in disgust) UGH!!! I DON'T LOVE HIM!!! I'D RATHER MARRY _YOU_ THAN GO WITH _HIM!!!_

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Seto. (outraged) HEY! WATCH IT, OTOGI!!! I'M NOT A BAD-LOOKING GUY!!!

(Katsuya strolls onto center stage with a limp paper bag on his head, watching Ryouji and Seto disputing with a rather puzzled expression *at least on the paper sack*.)

****

Katsuya. (continuing to sport his paper bag) _I had, so much on my mind…_ (audience continues hearing Ryouji and Seto feuding) _I thought, maybe I'd unwind--try out, that new roller coaster ride--and the guide said not to stand, but that's a demand, that I couldn't meet--I got on my feet, and stood up instead, and knocked off my head!!! YA SEE!!! TELL ME!!!_ (dances) _WHY'D I HAVE TO AND GET MYSELF DECAPITATED?! _(gestures towards the paper bag on his head) _This really is a major inconvenience! Oh, man! I really hate it! Such a drag now… I can't eat, I can't breath, I can't snore, I can't belch, or yodel anymore! Can't spit, or blow my nose, or even read Sports Illustrated! _(raises an issue with an attractive girl in a bathing suit on the cover.)

****

Ryouji & Seto. (dramatic poses) _OH NO! WHY'D HE HAVE TO GO AND GET HIMSELF ALL MUTILATED?!_

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Katsuya. _Yeah, yeah!_

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Ryouji & Seto. _I GOTTA TELL YA, LIFE WITHOUT A HEAD KIND OF MAKES HIM IRRITATED!_ (beckon towards Katsuya.)

****

Katsuya. _What a bummer…_

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Ryouji & Seto. _HE CAN'T BLINK, HE CAN'T COUGH, HE CAN'T SNEEZE--!!!_

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Katsuya. _But my neck, is a joy, and a pleasant breeze now! _(Ryouji and Seto sweat drop) _HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME SINCE MY HEAD AND I WERE SEPARATED!!!_

****

Ryouji, Katsuya, & Seto. (in deep unison) _No, no, no…_

(Music ends, and audience hears Ryouji, Katsuya, and Seto all burst into desolate sobbing.)

****

Seto. (immediately stops and rushes offstage, constipation settling in again) WHERE THE HELL IS THE BATHROOM?!


End file.
